Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
