I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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