Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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