I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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