My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
