Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
