She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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