I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
