You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
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There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
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this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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