I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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