have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
