i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
