lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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