fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
