remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
