Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
