There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
