You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
