Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
