dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
