Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
