why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
