My balls are so social today.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
