I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
