I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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