She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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