People in love make me want to vomit
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
