i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
