i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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