if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
