I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
