Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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