Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I have surprise drugs for everyone
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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