the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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