I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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