dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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