Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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