so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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