I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
