I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
