I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
