I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
