You don't have asthma, your pregnant
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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