i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
