I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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