at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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