It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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