I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
