dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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