I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
