so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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