You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
