Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
