it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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