I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
