Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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