I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Randomize
