All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
