Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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