you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize