the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Everclear isn't food dammit
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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