he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
