My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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