I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
