remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
