My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
