Sry I called you an 8
I want to walk on stilts...naked
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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